10 Signs of a Bad Relationship

honest with yourself – the sooner you face the truth, the sooner you can start over.

Before the tips, an excerpt from Winnie the Pooh:

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ~ A.A. Milne.

One of the best parts of being in a loving relationship is feeling sure of your partner without having to ask for reassurance! Secure, happy, fulfilled, and protected.

And, here are ten signs of a love relationship gone bad…

10 Signs of a Bad Relationship

You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret

If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him, then it’s time to get out of that bad relationship. You’re not just with the wrong guy…you’re being the wrong type of woman.

Your partner wants you to change

If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are, run for the hills! This is one of the most important signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re rich or poor, big or small, or here or there. You know it’s time to get out when you can’t be yourself.

Your partner doesn’t trust you

Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your love. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.

Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others

If he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, then he’s no good for you! You’re better off to break up with him and start getting over your broken heart.

You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship

Does your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of a bad relationship, and a sign it’s time to get out.

You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals

If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same focus.

Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves you

Believe his nonverbal behavior (his actions) over his verbal behavior (talk is cheap!).

You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship

This love tip is based on the quip from Piglet and Winnie the Pooh above. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy. If you’re not happy, you know it’s time to get out of a bad relationship.

Your family and friends are supportive of your relationship

I don’t think we should choose our boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but I do think we should take their opinions into consideration! If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.

You’re wondering about the warning signs of a bad relationship

The most important warning sign of love gone bad is your gut feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? Would you want your sister, best friend, or daughter to be in this relationship? To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave a bad relationship, you may need to talk to a marriage counselor.

What do you think – is it time for you to pack your bags and get out of a bad relationship? Comments welcome below.

Your desire shall be for your husband

Question: Dear Dr. Luginbill, I am reading part 4, Satan's World-System, Past, Present and Future, now. This is very fascinating to me. There is so much information here that I have felt was true. It just seemed right to me in my heart. It is very satisfying to have confirmation of so much of my belief. Our Lord God is so very fabulous. Beyond any words. It has been such a blessing to have this material to use as a witness tool. There are several people that talk to me now to see what I have been reading. We talk and I open scripture and we read scripture together. The early parts of this section (part 4) that deals with the futility of life apart from the grace of God really has some of these people thinking. What do they get up each day for? There are even a few that have started to read the bible. They say they are reading it to try to discredit the Word of God and find places that are contradictory. I encourage them to read. I understand because I once was in their place. I shared Is.29:16 when they questioned why God would make a world like this.

I have a question for you. In Genesis 3:16b it says "Your desire shall be for your husband". Could that mean that the woman will want to be in charge (take the place of the husband), and not just that she would desire to have a husband? I do agree that women give up a lot to be in marriage and raise a family.

Thank you for your work.

May God richly bless you.

Response: Thanks so much for your encouraging e-mail. I am especially heartened to hear that these studies are aiding you in your personal Christian ministering - keep up the good work in Christ Jesus.

As I say in part 3 of the Satanic Rebellion series, "The Purpose, Creation and Fall of Man", my reading of the woman's "desire" is essentially that as part of her curse God implanted a particularly intense drive to want to have a husband and a family. As with the curse upon men (i.e., having to work for a living), this is both a negative from the standpoint of paradise, but also a blessing inside of a curse from the standpoint of living in this now corrupt world. After all, if men did not have work, life would be miserable and there would be little to take one's mind off of that fact (cf. Eccl.5:18-20). In a similar way, having a husband and a family has historically proved divinely satisfying for women. Not that men can't want and enjoy families or that women can't want and enjoy careers, but it is patently clear from even a shallow perusal of the social history of the world that most people in most cultures at most times have certainly found these twin principles to be true (as they say, res ipsa dicit). Moreover, man's necessity to earn bread by sweat and hard work and woman's desire to have a husband and a family have in tandem preserved the essential social and moral order of human life, guaranteeing for the greater part of human history the possibility of free will decisions for God (even if the vast majority of human beings have refused to avail themselves of that priceless opportunity).

I believe that this interpretation is supported by the context of Genesis chapter three. In Gen.3:16b, the Hebrew word in question (tshuqah) is unusual and not particularly common, but does occur in similar usage two other times in the OT, namely in Gen.4:7 and S.S. 7:11, where we find sin's desire "for" Cain in the former and the lover's desire "for/over" his beloved in the latter. In all three cases, we have confirmed what an analysis of the other words that come from the word shuq and the related shaqaq would suggest for the meaning, namely, "impulse", "drive", or "desire". As to what this might mean interpretatively, that, I would say, depends upon the specific context in each case. For this to mean that Eve or women in general would have a desire to supplant their husbands' authority, I think one would need to have that notion expressed (i.e., a verb of ruling or the like). Even in the S.S. passage, where the preposition used has that sense (i.e., it is 'al, "over", instead of `el "to" as we have in the two Genesis passages), the notion of domination doesn't seem to be present. This is not to say, of course, that it is not part of the occupational hazard of the female sin nature (or the male sin nature, for that matter) to want to be in charge, anymore than there are not similar typical and predictable qualities of the male sin nature that need not be spelled out here. But in the Genesis chapter three curses, it seems to be the twin issues of degradation of quality of life and of subordination to the new reality that are being addressed: as a result of the fall 1) the serpent eats dust, and will ultimately be subject to being crushed; 2) the woman will have pain in procreation and will be under a more pronounced subjection to her husband; 3) the man will know pain in his labor and will ultimately be subject to death.

In the history of the world, like it or not, women certainly have been under very clear and pronounced societal subordination to their husbands in most cultures at most times. This is clearly the rule rather than the exception (certainly in my own area of specialization, Greece and Rome, that was the case). The fact that in the modern, western world we see gender roles and authority relationships relaxing both generally and specifically hasn't changed the reality of this curse. For one thing, while I believe that it is fair to say that the high incidence of divorce in our own country is not a little connected with the lack of authority in marriage generally today, internally and externally, nevertheless marriages continue to be contracted. Indeed, a woman (or a man, for that matter) can have as many marriages as she can have, and there is no longer any overwhelming societal stigma in being divorced and remarried. The fact that even in the midst of such turmoil and with more than enough freedom to avoid it women in general still persevere in their desire for husbands and families I would argue proves the point.

So while there are scriptures which deal with issue of authority in marriage (cf. Paul's comments on women in the church in 1Cor.14 and 1Tim.2), I believe the desire is for marriage in the first place rather than for dominance in it. In fact, to look at the flip-side of what I find in the language at Genesis 3:16b, if the average woman would rather be in charge or at least not be under anyone's authority, it stands to reason that without the tshuqah of Gen.3:16b which "drives" her to want husband/children, there would be much less incentive for a woman to marry in the first place when that has generally meant that she will indeed have to be subject to such authority in most instances (Q.E.D.).

Desire for Husband, Woman's

The second of Eve's curses deals with her relationship with her husband. It explains why many marriages fail and why many of the rest are unhappy. As mentioned before, human relationships are just as likely to fail as to succeed when men and women rely on human knowledge rather than revealed, godly wisdom.

The NKJV's rendering of the latter half of Genesis 3:16 is typical of many translations: "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." From this we can see that the two clauses cannot be parallels. Instead, they form a statement of action and reaction. Because the woman "desires" her husband, he will "rule over" her.

Yet this does not make much sense as a curse. Why should a woman's desire for her husband cause him to dominate her? Most men would gladly accept his wife's desires for him, causing him to treat her more gently rather than roughly, as is implied in this verse. How are we to understand this?

The key is in the word "desire," translated from the Hebrew tesuqah, which the Brown, Driver and Briggs lexicon calls "unusual and striking" (p. 1003). It occurs only three times in the Old Testament: here, Genesis 4:7, and Song 7:10. It can carry the sense of sexual longing (as in the Song of Songs), but its usage in Genesis 4:7 shows another side, that of a desire to overcome or defeat another: "[Sin's] desire is for you, but you should rule over it." This latter meaning fits Genesis 3:16 better than the former.

Thus, God is saying that a woman's desire will be to gain the upper hand over her husband, but because she is the weaker vessel, her husband will put her down by force, if need be. The curse is that, in the main, women will lose the battle of the sexes. History bears this out. Until the advent of women's rights movements, women were virtually their husband's property, treated as heir-producing machines, given little freedom, and forced to serve their husband's every whim. In many cultures, men bought and sold women like cattle. Some cultures maintain this custom even today.

Only where true Christianity flourishes is there any real easing of this curse. Ephesians 5:22-33 teaches how we can decrease its effects within our marriages—by emulating the virtues of Christ's relationship with the church. Thus, wives are told to submit rather than contend, and husbands are commanded to love rather than dominate. It takes conscious effort to overcome the evil, ingrained habits of 6,000 years of misguided practic

What is A Good Husband

With the redesign of A Good Husband I got to thinking about what I was doing when I started. Originally I wanted to know what other guys were thinking about marriage and what it means to be a man. At the time I asked friends and family what they thought. What does it mean to be a good husband, a good man? What are the challenges that men face today?

One of the great things about blogging over the last 9 months has been meeting some of the great minds on what it means to be a man. If you don’t know anything about these guys who are giving their opinions below, then you need to take a visit over to their sites and get some great insights.

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

According to who? The wife or the husband? There may be drastically different answers from each. To me however, that’s the beautiful thing about the differences between men and women. If we all say things the same, how boring would that be? So what makes a good husband? A man who leads his family by example. His yes means yes and his no means no. A man willing to accept his wife’s influence in his own life. It seems many men are threatened by their wife. If I “give in” to her, I’m a wimp. Wrong, it’s not about giving in, it’s about being honest with her and her doing the same with you. The other component of a good husband is a man who treats his marriage as important. This may seem like a no-brainer, but many men seem to think being a goof father is enough. You were most likely a husband before you were a father, and the fact is, your kids will one day leave you and your wife. Love your wife, pursue her heart, fight for her, even if this means choosing her over your kids at times. It’s a great example of marriage for your children.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

Men today lack good role models of masculinity. Their dads have checked out, or never were in the game. What’s modeled in society and Hollywood is often poor masculinity. But the biggest threat today is for men to become the “nice guy” rather than live from his heart. It’s often easier to keep quite rather than speak up. To give up rather than lead. Masculinity is more than hunting on the weekends, playing sports in your 30s or owning a truck. It’s about following your heart and inspiring your family to do the same.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Spend time learning how to listen to your wife. Laugh with her, love her, invite her into an adventure larger than herself. Now that you’ve “won her” by getting her to marry you, your pursuit is not over. Pursue her everyday!

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

Being a good husband means being a rock for your wife. Be the man that gives your wife confidence that things will be just fine, even when it looks like the world is falling in.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

That we expect so little from men.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Find your best friend and marry her and don’t hold off to marry until you think things are “right.” If you’re with somebody, you love her, and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her, take the plunge. No need to put it off.

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

It means being a good listener and being tuned in to the needs of my family. This was easier when we didn’t have children. But with 4 kids and many distractions, it’s more difficult to focus on listening because my first instinct is to fix the problem. But the better I’m able to listen to my spouse and my kids, the better husband I become.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I’m not sure this counts as an actual challenge but my daughter’s teacher was surprised I was the only father to go on all three field trips throughout the year. Is it still more acceptable to have mom’s take part in those activities or do we live in a society that makes it difficult for men to take off work to participate in their children’s education?

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Decide early on what your priorities are and communicate that to your spouse. I decided early on that my top priority would be my family. This means I’ve had to sacrifice a few promotions that went to people willing to work 80 hour weeks. I’ve told my wife and my boss what my priorities are which has possibly hurt my career. But the benefits to my family have outweighed any issues at work. It’s good to get this out of the way earlier on before you’re in a career that’s controlling you and your time.

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

Being a good husband today is challenging to men because it requires being both sensitive to the needs of your wife while being strong and protective of her at the same time. The balance between those two can often be thrown out of balance by many different factors and can cause serious harm to both the husband and the wife. A good husband must strive to find the right balance between strength and support so he can help move his marriage forward in the right direction.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I think one of the biggest challenges men face is trying to define what masculinity really is. There are too many men out there between the ages of 20 and 40 that struggle with defining what masculinity really is because they didn’t have a father in their life. If they did have a father he probably wasn’t much of one to learn from. Combine these men with women who grew up in similar households and men really begin to struggle with how to be masculine without turning out like their own father.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Just one piece of advice? After I wrote the five things that surprised me most about marriage and having my wife read it with mixed results, I’d have to say “be brutally honest with your wife”. Even if you’re scared of what she might say, it’s far better to be open and honest than trying to live your life with someone while trying to keep secrets. Honestly is not always easy but I’m beginning to realize that it’s easier than avoiding discussions and creating resentment in your marriage.