With the redesign of A Good Husband I got to thinking about what I was doing when I started. Originally I wanted to know what other guys were thinking about marriage and what it means to be a man. At the time I asked friends and family what they thought. What does it mean to be a good husband, a good man? What are the challenges that men face today?
One of the great things about blogging over the last 9 months has been meeting some of the great minds on what it means to be a man. If you don’t know anything about these guys who are giving their opinions below, then you need to take a visit over to their sites and get some great insights.
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
According to who? The wife or the husband? There may be drastically different answers from each. To me however, that’s the beautiful thing about the differences between men and women. If we all say things the same, how boring would that be? So what makes a good husband? A man who leads his family by example. His yes means yes and his no means no. A man willing to accept his wife’s influence in his own life. It seems many men are threatened by their wife. If I “give in” to her, I’m a wimp. Wrong, it’s not about giving in, it’s about being honest with her and her doing the same with you. The other component of a good husband is a man who treats his marriage as important. This may seem like a no-brainer, but many men seem to think being a goof father is enough. You were most likely a husband before you were a father, and the fact is, your kids will one day leave you and your wife. Love your wife, pursue her heart, fight for her, even if this means choosing her over your kids at times. It’s a great example of marriage for your children.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
Men today lack good role models of masculinity. Their dads have checked out, or never were in the game. What’s modeled in society and Hollywood is often poor masculinity. But the biggest threat today is for men to become the “nice guy” rather than live from his heart. It’s often easier to keep quite rather than speak up. To give up rather than lead. Masculinity is more than hunting on the weekends, playing sports in your 30s or owning a truck. It’s about following your heart and inspiring your family to do the same.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Spend time learning how to listen to your wife. Laugh with her, love her, invite her into an adventure larger than herself. Now that you’ve “won her” by getting her to marry you, your pursuit is not over. Pursue her everyday!
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
Being a good husband means being a rock for your wife. Be the man that gives your wife confidence that things will be just fine, even when it looks like the world is falling in.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
That we expect so little from men.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Find your best friend and marry her and don’t hold off to marry until you think things are “right.” If you’re with somebody, you love her, and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her, take the plunge. No need to put it off.
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
It means being a good listener and being tuned in to the needs of my family. This was easier when we didn’t have children. But with 4 kids and many distractions, it’s more difficult to focus on listening because my first instinct is to fix the problem. But the better I’m able to listen to my spouse and my kids, the better husband I become.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
I’m not sure this counts as an actual challenge but my daughter’s teacher was surprised I was the only father to go on all three field trips throughout the year. Is it still more acceptable to have mom’s take part in those activities or do we live in a society that makes it difficult for men to take off work to participate in their children’s education?
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Decide early on what your priorities are and communicate that to your spouse. I decided early on that my top priority would be my family. This means I’ve had to sacrifice a few promotions that went to people willing to work 80 hour weeks. I’ve told my wife and my boss what my priorities are which has possibly hurt my career. But the benefits to my family have outweighed any issues at work. It’s good to get this out of the way earlier on before you’re in a career that’s controlling you and your time.
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
Being a good husband today is challenging to men because it requires being both sensitive to the needs of your wife while being strong and protective of her at the same time. The balance between those two can often be thrown out of balance by many different factors and can cause serious harm to both the husband and the wife. A good husband must strive to find the right balance between strength and support so he can help move his marriage forward in the right direction.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
I think one of the biggest challenges men face is trying to define what masculinity really is. There are too many men out there between the ages of 20 and 40 that struggle with defining what masculinity really is because they didn’t have a father in their life. If they did have a father he probably wasn’t much of one to learn from. Combine these men with women who grew up in similar households and men really begin to struggle with how to be masculine without turning out like their own father.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Just one piece of advice? After I wrote the five things that surprised me most about marriage and having my wife read it with mixed results, I’d have to say “be brutally honest with your wife”. Even if you’re scared of what she might say, it’s far better to be open and honest than trying to live your life with someone while trying to keep secrets. Honestly is not always easy but I’m beginning to realize that it’s easier than avoiding discussions and creating resentment in your marriage.
